The 15th July 2020 was Teddy's due date and the day start just the same as all of the other days towards the end of Ellies pregnancy, As soon as my eyes opened, "is today the day, am I finally going to meet my baby boy, Most of the day went well, we were both excited that after being together for 8 years we would finally become mummy and daddy.
The pregnancy hadn't been as smooth as we had liked, with multiple hospital visits due to reduced movements and a chance of a low-lying placenta. But towards the end we were reassured that everything was fine.
Later in the evening, we joked and laughed about what if he doesn't come for another ten days, we knew he was going to be a long baby, as we were told he had very long shins, could he really stay in there for another 10 days though. At about 9:30pm Ellie stood up and felt a weird sensation, as if she had been sitting in a puddle, "Russell, my waters have broken". With those 4 words I knew it was time to snap into action, grabbing the hospital bag, and phoned the hospital, to let them know we were on our way.
As Ellie stood there with tears of happiness rolling down her cheeks, I knew what would happen next would change my life forever, but I never thought it would pan out the way it did and the adventure that it has now sent us on.
We arrived at the hospital, we were 4 months into the first lockdown, I knew there was a chance that I wouldn't be present for the first few hours, so as I sat by myself in the Birthing Centre corridor, part of me was thinking, I'll be called in and we would be well into the labour and we would be home tomorrow and surrounded by all the new sounds and smells of a baby. After 90 minutes of smiling from ear to ear behind a mask, I received a text to say that he won't be here tonight and we need to come back tomorrow.
WOW! What an anti-climax. I'd already tried to be Dad of the year by getting everything together and getting to hospital in less than 20 minutes. Ellie then messaged me to tell me that she is having a COVID test and that I'd need to do one as well. After another hours wait in the corridor a nurse came out and the COVID test was complete, not long after Ellie came out looking a little disheartened, she explained that she wasn't dilated enough and the contractions weren't close enoughe either, we need to come back in 24 hours from when the waters broke, unless the contractions were 3 in 10 minutes.
I don't think either of us slept a wink that night, we were both so excited, scared and happy all at the same time.
The following day Ellies contractions were all over the place, but we never reached the 3 in 10 minutes. We phoned the hospital in the afternoon, as the contractions were getting closer together and then nothing for 2 hours. We were told that this is normal, it's the body's way of recovering and also getting ready for the birth. We wrote down the time of every contraction, we double checked the hospital bag. We were ready.
Growing a little impatient it got to 9:15pm on the 16th July, we headed off to the Birthing Centre again, Both a little calmer than the day before, we got to the hospital, had a photo outside and headed in. We both knew that this was it, the next time we would be returning to the car together we would have a little bundle of joy joining us.
Unfortunately, due to COVID we never visited the Birthing Centre to see what they had to offer, but we had opted for a water birth, we'd watched "Life and Birth" on the BBC together during the pregnancy and after seeing a few water births, Ellie felt its what would be best for her and baby. We were both shown to a room and the midwife explained that she would come back once we had settled in. After waiting for what felt like an eternity, the midwife returned and completednan examination. We were both surprised when the midwife stated that she had just completed a Membrane Sweep, but due to lack of centimetres required Ellie hadn't dilated enough still, so she would require assistance, which meant no water birth and no new arrival in the Birthing Centre. We repacked everything up after making ourselves at home and we were escorted to the Labour Ward.
The midwife that had welcomed us to the Birthing Centre had joined us in a Labour Ward and she explained that she would stay with us until her shift had finished in the morning. She completed another examination and explained that not all of the waters had broken, she continued to explain that there was in fact more than one sack. The remaining sacks were ruptured and the contractions seemed to increase slightly but were still not in the range required for the next stage. If there was no improvement throughout the night then Ellie would have to be induced via a hormone drip. The contractions seem to increase throughout the night and gas and air was administered to help with the pain.
Seeing someone you love in so much pain and discomfort is one of the worst experiences of my life. I wished it was me there, I couldn't help but feel useless as there was nothing I could do or say.
In the early hours of the morning the slurping on the gas and air seemed to slow down and the mood in the room changed, it was very relaxed and calm, we both managed to get some rest. When we first arrived to the Labour Ward, Teddy's heart rate was being monitored and at about 2am his heart rate reduced dramatically from 157bps down to 47, we both suddenly woke up and midwife explained that mum needed to change position, after 5 minutes the heart rate seemed to returned to the 150's, the next time we were woke was by the anaesthetist to provide the epidural.
Morning came and there was still no sign of going into the final stages of labour. The hormone drip was provided and a shift swap over was also completed, we waved goodbye to the midwife that had stood by the whole night and we were provided with two new midwives, the previous midwife had been very much part of the whole experience throughout her shift but the next two seems to want to stand behind the curtain and not have much interaction.
Now what happened from 10am to 4pm is all a bit of a blur. From what I can remember some may find the details a little distressing. Please note that some of the details are missed due to legal matters, which I'm sure will be a tale to tell in the future.
At around 11am it was time to start pushing, Ellie did so well, she gave it everything she had. Unfortunately, we hadn't been able to attend any Antenatal classes due to the pandemic, so I tried to will her along and let her squeeze my hand, swear at me and scream as much as she wanted. Finally at around 12:30 Teddy finally entered the world. but there was silence, there were no grizzle’s from our little bear, no cry's for his mum. The midwives looked concerned, as one of them brought Teddy up and placed him on mum's stomach you could see there was no movement, no colour and still no sound. They were rubbing him vigorously, encouraging Ellie to hold him, but there was still nothing. I took a step back from where Ellie could see me and I just burst into tears. Ellie screamed out "WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY BABY?" and there was no response from the midwives or Teddy. I started shouting "COME ON Teddy '', things didn't look good, the worst possible thing that could happen was playing out right in front of me. I started to think that we won't be leaving here with our baby.
A team from the neonatal unit came rushing down and they took Teddy to the entrance of the room and he was placed on a table and they started to provide CPR. I turned to hug Ellie. We are both hysterical at this stage, we have waited so long to meet our boy and now we can't hold him, he may never lay eyes on his mum and dad.
Eventually there was a crackling short cry that seemed to be louder than the voices of 6-7 doctors and nurses. I remember the feeling of hope and in my head I'm telling Teddy to fight. I hear the cry again, this time it's even louder, I then get a glimpse of him on the table, I can see there's colour now, his doing it, his fighting, he wants to meet us. The crying increases, the feeling of panic in the room still doesn't seem to ease, the midwives ask if we can hear him crying. I'm called over to the table where his laying, I look down and there's my beautiful boy, there's still not much movement and they are still inflating his lungs to help him breath, as I turn to look at Ellie to smile and tell her how beautiful he is, I see that she is now unconscious and there's a large pool of blood on the floor. In that split moment, I thought what if I lose both of them now. That image of Teddy laying there and Ellie slumped in the hospital bed still haunts me.
After a short while Ellie was awake and Teddy was being passed over to us, I still remember that moment of joy, looking down at Ellie as she cradled our little boy.
Unfortunately, we didn't get to cuddle him for long before he was rushed away to the Neonatal unit. From the moment he left us all we could both think about was when will we see him again, Ellie was left to rest and recover from the ordeal, I had to get some fresh air and I went for a short walk around the hospital grounds.
"What had just happened", I thought as I sat sobbing on a bench. I'd spent the whole 9 months looking after Ellie and our unborn child and now that he was finally here I wasn't allowed anywhere near home. I picked myself up and headed straight back to the Labour Ward, I needed to be strong, we are over the worst of it now surely.
At around 4pm, just over three hours after Teddy was born I was allowed to visit him in the neonatal unit. I walked into the room and I knew which baby was mine straight away, it was the incredibly longer baby with a ridiculous amount of hair. He just laid there and I just stood there smiling. I know everyone is biased towards their own children, but I had never seen such a beautiful baby before.
Not wanting to leave Ellie for too long, I rushed back to tell her how beautiful he is and how tiny and delicate his little toes and fingers are. Ellie was still feeling the effects of the epidural in one of her legs, so the midwives didn't want to risk Ellie having a fall. Eventually she was allowed to visit Teddy in a wheelchair. When we got to Teddy, we both just cried with happiness. It felt like a relief to reunite Ellie with Teddy. Not long after arriving we were taken to a private room. The doctor and nurse sat us down and explained that Teddy was very poorly and they believe that he was starved of oxygen during the final stages of labour, he would start to be cooled, this process is used to encourage hypothermia to stop any further damage being done to the brain. He would then be transferred to Leicester Royal Infirmary Hospital. The mood in the room changed. I went through every emotion possible, anger, sorrow, confusion. I just couldn't understand why this had happened, we had been so careful over the last 9 months, I knew Ellie felt exactly the same. Through the tears she asked if it was anything that she had done, should she have pushed hard, is it because we didn't react quick enough when the water broke, she was reassured that it was nothing that she had done. Another nurse then came into the room and called the doctor away, we both just sat there in silence.
After a while of both sitting there, I wanted more answers, I went off to find a doctor and unfortunately I wasn't allowed back into the room where Teddy was, I looked around to find someone who could tell me what was going on. I then saw the same doctor from earlier and I was quickly ushered back into the private room and the doctor stated that Teddy had had a seizure and they needed to start the cooling process immediately, as the next 24 hours were critical for Teddy. This was just too much for us to take on, so we phoned Ellie's mum and asked that she come to the hospital immediately.
We were allowed to see Teddy for a short time, unfortunately, we were unable to touch him, as he was now on a ventilator, connected to an ECG and an EEG. They had also wrapped the cooling jacket around him.
When Ellie's mum arrived all three of us just embraced one another, Ellie and I just didn't know what to say, we were just so confused as to why this had all happened. A few more hours passed and we were just sitting in this private room by ourselves thinking what's going to happen next. A nurse approached Ellie and asked if we would like the Pastor to come and say some words, to which she declined. After another wait the doctor appeared and informed us that an ambulance was on its way from Leicester and Teddy would be going soon and to my astonishment we were told that due to COVID no one else would be allowed to travel with him in the ambulance. I just felt enraged, not for the fact that Teddy was being taken away but the fact that Teddy had been born for well over 9 hours now, Ellie had only been with him for less than 15 minutes and now he is being taken to a different county without her. Even after pleading with them we were told that it just wouldn't be possible due to COVID.
The ambulance arrived and we were introduced to the team that would look after Teddy during his journey. We made sure that he had a cuddly toy to keep him company and then we said our goodbyes.
As I drove home, I was still trying to get my head around what had happened. Once I got home I packed a bag and got ready to join Teddy in Leicester. Ellie had to go back to the labour ward where she had listened to all the other mothers giving birth to their children throughout the night, they wouldn't discharge her until the morning.
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